This text is a problem for many. It’s not a comfortable story to read or think about. Now, for me, every time I read this story, I cringe at the selfishness of the wise bridesmaids. I know they were smart, I know they had enough oil, I know they realized that if they shared their oil there might not be enough to go around, but still … aren’t they just being a little mean? Couldn’t they share their lamps?

When I get right down to it this parable challenges most of the things I believe about God. It seems to directly contradict stories and parables I love. Take the wise women who wouldn’t share their oil. Now, if taking care of yourself were the main message of the gospels, the miracle of the loaves and fishes would never have happened. Jesus wouldn't have lifted a finger for that hungry crowd, not if they hadn't packed their own picnic supper. That is not what I want to teach people about God. I don't want them to emulate a bunch of seemingly selfish bridesmaids. I want better for them. I want better for Jesus, and I hate feeling like I need to defend him when he tells stories like this. I want to throw them out, or wait for him to explain himself.

But, I know I need to do more than that. So I start where I often find it helpful to start; with the context of the tale being told.  After all, Jesus used the marriage custom familiar with his contemporaries. In that day, the wedding festivities began at the bride's house. Late in the evening, the groom would arrive to escort the bride to his father's house. Last minute haggling between the groom and his father-in-law over the dowry was commonplace. Such haggling symbolized the esteemed value of the bride, but many times delayed the wedding.

When both parties agreed upon the dowry, the groom would lead the wedding party back to his father's house for the ceremony and reception. At this time, town criers would proclaim the arrival of the groom. Such proclamations alerted those who did not stay at the bride's house or who waited for the ceremony to begin. Since this was an all-night celebration, napping between events in the wedding was reasonable. Both the wise and the foolish napped after all. As a side note, don’t you love having an endorsement for napping from the Bible?

The waiting girls in the parable were most likely cousins or sisters of the groom. As the welcoming party for the groom's family, they would alert others about the groom's impending arrival. Their lamps were fueled by oil. Since the lamps were small, they needed constant maintenance with additional oil and adjustment of the wick. The lamps could be set low for rest time and readjusted for greater light when needed.

Now, one thing we need to remember about Christ’s era was that there were no street lamps. Therefore, the role of the bridesmaids was more than a cultural display of symbolism. Their lamps lit the path home for the wedding party and all the attendees. It is also important to revisit that God chose to have his Son to be born in an occupied country. The law of that time allowed no one to be on the street after dark without a lamp. To find yourself in that situation was to risk arrest—particularly for these residents of an occupied territory. The Bridesmaids would literally provide legitimacy to the homecoming party so they would be safe from the occupying government. Without their lights, the party would look like an insurrection or a mob disguised in wedding attire. Certain religious zealots would have undoubtedly thought of using just such a ploy to attack the Romans.

Alright. So, in the story and at the time Jesus lived, it really is a big deal that there isn’t enough oil for the lamps. Maybe the wise bridesmaids really can’t risk their oil running out by sharing. They aren’t selfish, they are trying to keep everyone from being arrested. That’s a start.

But now we come to my biggest problem with this story, people use it to condemn people who haven’t prepared. Who aren't good enough. Who haven’t done enough. Who lack faith. But who among us really is good enough? Who among us deserves all we have been given? We are saved by the love of Jesus Christ and the grace of God. That’s it. Not because we were prepared. Not because we thought to make sure we had all the oil we needed.

When people start talking about the second coming, a lot of them create this image of a Christ that is violent and full of wrath over the unbelievers. A Jesus who will vanquish all who stand against him.  But the person we are expecting is none other than Jesus of Nazareth. If we've read the gospels, we should know his character. He taught, healed, and broke bread with anyone who would join him, and he was known particularly for his compassion toward the poor and outcast. While his disciples often seemed to expect him to duck into a phone booth and emerge as Messiah Man to kick the butts of evildoers, he consistently denied that was his calling, going even to the cross rather than strike back against violent people.

That's what Jesus was like in his first coming, the Incarnation.

Will he be different at the Second Coming? Well, actually, that's an easy question to answer, because Jesus did come back a second time: we called it Easter. And when Jesus came among us a second time, he opened the scriptures to his disciples, walked beside them on the road, and cooked them breakfast -- he didn’t go and smite the unbelievers among the Romans. He didn’t condemn those who failed to stand by him to hell.

And don't forget that Jesus said that where two or three are gathered in his name, he is there among them. How many times do you think that's happened over the last two millennium? I'm not a math expert, but I figure we're probably somewhere in the neighborhood of the trillionth coming of Jesus, and his character remains the same. A character overflowing with love and grace.

So where does this passage leave us? I think it all comes back to that oil. The oil the bridesmaids ran out of. The oil the others couldn’t share.

Now, there are those who have argued that the oil is our good deeds, or works. After all, I can’t share the good things I have done with you. And there are those who have argued that the oil is our faith or belief because faith is something that we have for ourselves.

But, we are Presbyterians, Protestants. We know we cannot possibly do enough good deeds to be saved. We know our faith is not enough. No, we cannot be saved by anything WE do. It is only though the Grace of God that we find salvation.

Therefore, I would like to argue that the oil stands for ourselves. We use the oil to run on, but we have to keep replenishing it. After all, when the arrow on the gas tank points to empty, you are going to run out of gas. If a two-year-old doesn't get a nap, she is going to crash. When you haven't had a conversation with your spouse in three weeks that hasn't revolved around meals or errands, your marriage is getting dry. If you have worked eighty-hour weeks for longer than you care to know, your relationships are going to suffer. It's not really something any of us can avoid. There are some kinds of fuel that just are not negotiable; and if you eat junk food for twenty years, your body is going to let you know about it

Maybe this is not a story about how much oil you have, but instead maybe this is a story about the oil you carry with you. The parable is very clear: all ten bridesmaids had lamps, but five of them were foolish, and five of them were wise. The wise ones brought flasks of oil with their lamps when it’s time to wait for the bridegroom. It doesn't say whether or not those were their very last flasks. And the foolish ones showed up with lamps, and nothing to keep them going. The story doesn't say whether they had any oil at home or not. When your lamp goes out, you may have gallons of oil sitting at home, but it’s not going to do you any good there.

The time will come when you have to draw on the oil you have, right there, on your body, in your flask. Its not what you were planning to do. And you can’t use the reserves of good intentions. No, the oil you have to draw on is going to come from what fuels you spiritually right now. It's going to come from where you see God, today. And where is that?

Well, Jesus tells us how to find him.. I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was in prison, and you visited me. I was sick, and you comforted me. That's where we find God. That's where we get filled up with oil. That’s how we restore ourselves. That's where we gather all of the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity. All of those things that we can't buy from the store. The stuff we can't borrow from our neighbor next door.

I think the people who use this parable as a way to try to scare people straight are missing the point. I don’t think you don't fill your lamp because you're afraid you're going to get locked out of the Kingdom of Heaven. Grace steps in there. And you certainly don’t start to stockpile oil because then you can lord it over those who haven’t. That's hardly Christian behavior. No, you just stop at the filling station and fill your flask and take it with you, because you can't wait to meet the bridegroom. You fill because you want to be fully yourself at the wedding. You fill your oil for joy.