WHEN PEOPLE DISAGREE

Genesis 21: 22-34

Sometimes people get into squabbles over big issues; sometimes they argue without having enough information to make an informed decision; sometimes they argue to get what they believe is rightfully theirs; sometimes it’s because they feel hurt or because they have lost control, or sometimes, it seems, they argue just because it is a debilitating habit.  At the beginning of my elder training sessions, when outlandishly long meetings and tooth and nail bitter battles are the nightmarish scenarios they have had in other churches, I show them a cartoon; it is clearly a meeting room in a church where people, who have been around a large table, are now sprawled on the floor, ties undone, shirts torn, blouses with ink stains and hair styles pulled apart, with light fixtures cockeyed and papers spilled all over the floor. The caption reads: “Alright then, it’s settled! We’ll be painting the room blue!” I tell my elders that it will not be like that here! It’s amazing what makes fodder for fighting in some churches; choir robe colors, worship styles, Sunday School hours, and dress codes for communion!  You’ve witnessed or read about such times of disagreement, haven’t you?  This week I witnessed disagreements at a city council meeting, got reports from our daughter on the church General Assembly meeting, read with interest (and a little suspicion) that after years of pleading, threatening, and embargos, this week North Korea agreed to blow up its nuclear reactor on camera for the world to see.  All of what I’ve described are just a few of the public disagreements I’ve seen. I’ve also read about the long and protracted disagreements several film and music stars are having in their divorces, and I know that private disagreements can be at least as caustic as the public ones.  Today I hope we can turn to a story in the Bible and get some guidance from one situation and its outcome.

In our study of Genesis this month, a study that will continue throughout the summer, we have learned about ancient customs, people of faith, and a God who never gives up on those people. Last week we left a real family problem between the now old man Abraham, his now old wife Sarah, and his younger maid, Hagar who Sarah called “her slave.” We learned that God decided, out of amazing grace, to bless the children born to both of them, and not just to one of them.  The message that God is fair to his people (including Abraham, Isaac, and Ishmael), got out to those in surrounding communities and they thought twice about this God. Even Abimelech (who had previously had dealings with Abraham) brought his Army Commander Phicol with him to a meeting with Abraham, a move practiced throughout history to negotiate from a stance of power. But what comes out of Abimelech’s mouth may have caught you off guard if you don’t know his history. He tells Abraham to swear (these days in court when people don’t want to swear, they affirm their truthfulness, but for ages before, swearing in the name of God, not for cursing but for promising, was considered a bond.) Sadly, so many people in our day end their sentences using the phrase “I swear to God,” in flippant and casual circumstances so that it saps the power of casual oaths in our day. Sadly, someone who uses that phrase is as likely to lie as the person who doesn’t use it. But in Abraham’s day, swearing by God meant invoking God’s wrath if the promise was broken. Perhaps keeping promises is the first place to start to avoid disagreements!  Abimilech words his request, apparently, as if his attorney told him what to say: “Now therefore, swear to me here by God that you will not deal falsely with me, or with my offspring, or with my posterity (which means my children or any of my descendents) but as I have dealt loyally with you, you will deal with me and with the land where you reside as an alien (meaning undocumented foreigner!). And without further banter, Abraham answers, “I swear it.”  No argument, no counterpoint, just a neat and clean agreement. Had something occurred earlier between these two that would make Abraham trust him; or was there some action of shame earlier on Abraham’s part that took away his pride? If we look back at chapter 20, we find an answer:  Years earlier, when both Abraham and Sarah were a good bit younger, they moved to that foreign land, and for the second time that we have recorded, Abraham told those whom he met that Sarah was his sister instead of his wife. If she were desirable but married, in those days Abraham would have feared for his life, for she could legally be taken as a widow. But in a move that, in our eyes, rashly did not considered what would happen to his wife, he let her go with Abimelech as if she were his sister. Of course, Abimelech had thoughts of courting and marrying her. But when God spoke to him in a dream, (and in those days an appearance in a dream had as much impact as God himself appearing), Abimilech learned that Sarah was indeed Abraham’s wife and the next day he returned her to him, fearing God if he did not. Abimelech believed that great harm would come to him and his country from God if he did not return Sarah. And even though he was the one tricked by Abraham, he asks for no apology, just an explanation. When he gets it, he brings some sheep and cattle and servant helpers and gives them to Abraham, the one who had tricked him, and told him he could freely live anywhere in his land! To Sarah he said, “I am giving your brother a thousand shekels as punitive damages for my actions, even though I was tricked and never touched you.” Out of that kind of generosity, Abraham, who had influence God before, asks God to bless Abimelech and his people; and God did so, healing him, and his wife, and the women who worked for him so they could bear children again.

That was Abraham’s history with the king of Gerar. In return, in our passage today, Abraham does not flinch over Abimelech’s request to not lie to him again. “I swear I won’t” he says. The relationship was tested immediately as Abraham said some of Abimelech’s army had seized a well that was Abraham’s and water sources in a desert were always worth protecting. Abimelech tells Abraham that he had not ordered the seizure and had no knowledge of it. Without prior faithful history, Abraham may not have believed him. But with the history they shared, as Abimelech orders his men away (implied) Abraham gave Abimelech some of his sheep and oxen as they came to an understanding. As if that wasn’t worth enough, he gave him seven of his most precious female sheep if he promised to believe that he (Abraham) had dug that well!! As my friend Martin Lies always puts it, “Such a deal!” You give me many of your sheep and oxen including 7 female sheep if I just believe that the well my own men seized without my knowledge is yours? Sure, I’ll take that deal!  And both men gained greater trust, respect, and protection from the other from such acts of generosity. They called the place where their covenant of peace was made “Beersheba” which means both “well of the seven” (referring to the ewes that were given) and “well of the oath” referring to the promises they had made. Abraham even planted a tree there, a tree of peace, that is, even today, a symbol of peace and new life in Israel. There Abraham again worshipped and thanked God. 

Today we can take some lessons from this extraordinary time when one man’s generosity invited another to act in a generous way later. Today in our houses of Congress, deception and additional addendums that benefit the motion maker instead of the other party keep actions at a stalemate. Today in courts across the land, one party in a divorce refusing to budge one inch for the other and asking for unreasonable settlements for pain and suffering keep bitter battles going on far beyond the final trial date.  And even in church settings, like in sports settings, the feeling that “second place is the first loser” is the poisonous message that drives otherwise honest people to use whatever means necessary to win. So there are athletes and church leaders, and politicians, and ordinary men and women, who have sold their body to steroids or their soul to the devil or their mind to the highest bidder in order to win.  But in this story, there was first and foremost, a wish to honor God, and to believe that God had the power to bless or to take away blessing from those in the trenches of distrust. Second, the men gave generously to the one who instigated the trouble with that thought that “God will be generous with me if I will be generous with those who have wronged me.”  When we pray “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” it is a prayer that goes back to this kind of covenant: “forgive me with generosity, O God, as I have forgiven, with generosity, those who have wronged me.” In the case of these two men in the Bible, generosity of action yielded a generosity of spirit.  Will it always work in human situations? No. But if you believe in God, show God a measure of generosity as you deal with others; as Jesus taught forgiveness as “seventy times seven” instead of what we usually hear: “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,” we could loosen the grip of greed and bitterness that is choking off a full life for many today. And finally, if ever you choose to offer a generous gift, even to a wrongdoer, worship God with thankfulness like Abraham did, as way to say you hope God will be generous with your sinful soul the way you have been with the sinful soul of another. The way of our world now is “win at all costs,” and we have people who have cut themselves off from God and from their salvation; their lives are so wounded and angry that they seep bitterness. The alternative, as counterintuitive as it seems, is grace and generosity; one time long, long ago, two men feared God enough to be generous instead of greedy. Beersheba reminds us of a place on earth that, at one time, acted in a Heavenly way. Perhaps a healthy respect for God, and the knowledge that God is watching us, can help God release the countless blessings saved for those who are faithful and forgiving and caring.  This Bible school week- with wonderful children and youth and adults, and the monitoring of our “complaint free world” bracelets- at saw times I saw exchanges that looked like Kingdom of Heaven! May our children keep teaching us, as we teach them, about God’s amazing love for us in Jesus Christ! God is Awesome! Amen!

Jeffrey Sumner                                                      June 29, 2008

I’ve picked this hymn for its easy melody and its sweet message to our children. Please stand as we sing.